"Stop being a Victim"
Have you been blaming yourself for situations that are beyond your control? These are the signs of victim mentality that need to be addressed and resolved with the assistance of a certified professional.
The victim mentality won’t take us Anywhere.
Ups and downs are part and parcel of life. Bad things might take place with you or the people you know. Some individuals never take accountability for their actions. They cannot control their thought process and the situations they experience now and then. Also, they opine that these things often happen to them. It is known as victim mentality, which cannot be altered at any cost. It becomes their mechanism when their life goes upside down. Individuals with a victim mentality start blaming others for their situations.
“It is not my fault” comes first from individuals with a victim mentality. They shift the entire blame on the world, parents, coworker, partner, or circumstances. They are constantly complaining about the bad things occurring in their lives. They don’t admit that a particular situation happened because of them but would accuse their circumstances.
Why do we become a Victim?
Having a victim mentality benefits individuals in the following ways:
Secondary Gains
Some people carry this mentality due to secondary benefits. They get sympathy, attention, or funds by being petty in difficult times. Individuals with a victim mentality are unaware they are getting these benefits and continue experiencing distress.
Fulfill their Conscious Needs
These individuals often seek validation and assistance from others. They become charity cases and get sympathy with help from those around them.
Avoid Taking Risks
Such individuals often shift the blame on others, avoid being vulnerable and take risks.
Leads to Frustration, Anger & Resentment
A victim mentality affects the emotional well-being of an individual. People with this mindset often:
- Frustrated and angry when the world is against them
- Feel that there is no hope
- Hurt when their loved ones don’t bother to ask about them
- Resent individuals who are successful and happy
Where does Victim Mentality Come from?
Past Trauma
Past trauma is one of the leading causes of victim mentality. For an outsider, individuals with this mentality tend to be overdramatic, but it is their way of responding to abuse or trauma. Experiencing one negative situation in another could make their condition worse. These individuals have no control over them, feel helpless and trapped, and tend to give up.
Codependency
This mindset could be due to codependency. A codependent person might give up his goals to support their partner. Instead of looking at their role, they feel frustrated for not getting what they want.
Manipulation
Individuals with a victim mindset are excellent manipulators. They blame others for their issues, start lashing out and make others feel guilty. Toxic behaviour like this is often linked with Narcissist Personality Disorder.
There are two types of thinking:
- One type of thinking sees everything from the “effect side.” They are always victims of circumstances. They bring reasons and excuses for every single shortcoming. These people constantly feel powerless, hopeless, and helpless. As a result, they experience sadness, anger, fear, and hurt.
- The other thinking revolves around the “cause side.” These people operate at the cause, and therefore, they are responsible for everything in their lives. Instead of focusing on reasons and excuses, they focus on results, nothing less. They feel confident, powerful, and certain about themselves and their lives.
Signs that you have a Victim Mindset
It is normal to feel unsatisfied due to missing parts of life. However, it would help if you focused on the positive aspects of life. If you see yourself or someone exhibiting the following signs, that person has a victim mentality. Let us go through them:
1. Blaming others for the way your life is.
2. Life is harsh on you
3. Difficulties dealing with life issues and feeling powerless against them.
4. Feeling stuck or having a negative approach toward things.
5. Feel attacked when someone gives a feedback
6. Bad feelings give pleasure or relief.
7. Your circle consists of blamers and complainers.
8. Unable to check themselves and make amends for their behaviour.
Stop being a programmed victim.
What do you need to change NOW?
Take Full Responsibility
Take the remote control of your actions in your hands. It is impossible to control others, but you can handle your reaction to them very well. Know with whom you spend time and where. Determine your capabilities and take charge of your life.
Self-Care and Compassion
Victim mentality is a subconscious approach to dealing with past trauma. Try to be compassionate during the recovery phase. Practice some self-care and love. Pen down your thoughts to help you walk through your feelings.
Learn to say no & Trust yourself.
Saying “No” to something you don’t wish to do is alright. You can disappoint people by taking care of your energy and prioritizing yourself. Make sure you believe in your abilities and shortcomings that would help you become a better version of yourself.
Educate Yourself
Start reading books about victim mentality and its implications on one’s life. The more educated you are, the better your focus will get while heading on this journey. Get rid of the ways of thinking that you had in the past.
Living with a victim mentality can be challenging for individuals and those dealing with it. Avoid feeling alone in such situations, as it can be tacked with the assistance of a master coach or someone who can help you. I have been helping several individuals who have been struggling with that issue by themselves and are unable to deal with them. Show yourself some compassion and self-care and me at:
(647) 671 0002 or
email at:
alireza@altatc.ca.
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