Review some of the pages
Read this book with
An open mind,
And open heart,
And an open will.
Get ready to be educated and informed.
I’d like to start by saying I met Fatima through an organization we are both involved with called Business Networking International (BNI).
I was fortunate enough to be able to speak to her and learn more about her valuable work. I quickly realized that her core vision and spirit to help others coincides tremendously with the charity that I’m involved with called Do Amazing Things.
Like our charity, Fatima understands that focusing on empowering people, especially women, when they most need help, can transform their lives and help them build a brighter future for themselves and their families.
It’s extremely important to give people the resources like access to on-line education, financial support for groceries, assistance with childcare, and other incentives to allow them the ability to do things such as a obtain a degree, learn new skills, sharpen existing ones or learn a new language.
Essentially helping people find the tools and giving them the support to make a better life. By helping others in our community in this small way, we provide relief in coming to realize that we are all part of something bigger and together we are not alone. I wish Fatima all the best with this book and hope it helps others as much as the rest of the hard work she does in her daily life.
We are grateful that all the royalties from this book will be donated to Do Amazing Things.
Do Amazing Things
…IT’S NOT JUST ABOUT THE GUY
MASTERING THE ART OF
By Coach Fareen
When I first started my business, I struggled with defining myself as a dating coach.
From the time we are little girls we are inundated with messaging that reinforces a man as the key to our happiness.
“It’s not just about the guy,” is a movement encouraging women to dive into the crevices of their hearts and embark on a journey inward as a necessary precursor to healing, improving unhealthy relationship dynamics and attracting love.
Now, don’t get me wrong, for the longest time, I too believed it was just about the guy; that once I got the guy, my life would somehow fall into place. I worked with coaches to get my relationship back on track, read countless books and attended seminars and workshops to make sense of it all. At the time, I was clueless as to why men and dating seemed so complicated. I learned concepts like “leaning back,” and letting a man lead to have a successful relationship. I followed a set of rules that promised if I did X, I would get Y. I learned the hard way that having an agenda and following a set of rules as a way to a man’s heart, simply does not work.
It may for a short while, but for most successful, high achieving women, it’s more complicated than that. As an ambitious, educated woman, you are most likely attracted to men that mirror these qualities: a man that takes the lead, is ambitious as fuck, and knows what he wants in
He’s confident and has this ‘je ne sais quoi’ about him that can make any woman weak in the knees. If you’ve dated this man, or are currently in a relationship with him and you find that he routinely becomes distant or pulls away all together, you’re not alone. You may be attractive, educated, and successful, but feel hopeless and scared that he is just not that into you. Usually he won’t even know why, but something will be missing. Instinctively, masculine energy men are not drawn to a woman that engages in her masculine polarity to win him over.
Or, you may find yourself with a man that is great on “paper.” This man has a stable job, wants to be in your company ALL the time, enjoys sharing and talking and is very committed to the relationship. Sounds nice, right? Well, what I’ve found is that while we may think this is what we want, in our heart, we will feel something is missing. Unknowingly, we may engage in emasculating behaviours to test his strength and ability, push his buttons to get a rise out of him, or push him to take that course and strive for that promotion.
At a very deep level what we are seeking is an empowered masculine partner that will instinctively provide and protect, and create a safe space for our feminine nature to be expressed. If our partner resides primarily in his feminine polarity, we will naturally assume the masculine role. I found myself in this pattern in relationships with men often. With the men that I was attracted to, things always started off strong, but the moment I thought, “This may be it” the dynamic would shift almost immediately. The more effort I put into making things work, the greater the distance he would create. I had worked so hard at everything in my life and achieved results doing so, that naturally, I assumed this would be the case with men and relationships.
Boy was I wrong! I implemented the dating advice I received and although it seemed to work for a little while, it wasn’t until I shifted my mindset and really got that, “It wasn’t just about the guy!”, that everything changed.
Why is it increasingly difficult for ambitious, modern day women to find lasting love? For starters, men and women carry both masculine and feminine energies. Although we embody both of these energies, our parental modelling and society nurtures either the masculine or feminine polarity within us. While these are universal energies, the masculine polarity is commonly
associated with men, and the feminine with women. Society
today has increasingly leaned toward valuing the masculine
paradigm, such that high paying jobs support a culture of masculinity and reward those that conform to this standard.
Women then, become increasingly “masculinized.” This comes at the expense of a woman nurturing her feminine side. When we shift too far into the masculine polarity, cultivating our femininity feels tedious. Most of us are not taught about these universal energies, and how important they are for establishing polarity in relationships and sustaining long term desire and attraction.
To live authentically is to live in alignment with our core heart INergy, our CHI. This identification is the first step in the journey towards healing and sustaining healthy love. It is the internal congruence and integration of masculine and feminine energies that would lead me on a path towards happiness, fulfillment and undoubtedly love. It wasn’t something outside of me that would do this, and it certainly wasn’t just about the guy!
For much of my adult life, I lived in this space of incessant hustle. Success became a bottomless pit that I craved and sought after. The more I achieved, the unhappier I became